For so many years, women’s sole goal in life was to get married and live happily ever after with their husbands. However, that happily ever after didn’t happen for many of them. I realized that you have a good relationship when you maintain your standards! But how do you do that?
What’s a standard, and what influences it.
In Emmerance’s words, having a standard is having a list of criteria you would want in your man or woman. The one that you think will honour you, respect you or provide for you. According to your own experiences, standards do change as you get older.
Standards are influenced by many factors, like what you see in other relationships and the media. However, as you grow, the criteria might also grow with you or completely change. We either cut our list short or pick the man or woman that we think we can turn into our ideal partner.
How do women’s standards change throughout the years?
For this particular post, I want to talk to my sisters out there. The ones that have been single for many years and are wanting to get married one day. The ones that want to get married but keep dealing with low-quality men. Often, these kinds of women keep settling down for less.
Society has a significant impact on women’s standards throughout the years. With my siblings’ help, I was able to create a chronologic list of how women’s standards change as they grow. Here’s a list of how a woman’s standards change throughout the years from 15 to 30 years old in my perspective.
A woman’s standards from 15 to 30 years old.
At 15: This is the year that girls unconsciously start thinking about their prince charming, it can also happen when they were younger. E.g., if you had an excellent relationship with your dad, you probably wanted your husband to have the same qualities as him.
At 18: The years go by, and most women have already dated. However, I would say that at 18, this is where most of us start consciously dating. By consciously dating, I mean that it’s more serious than when we were 12. With these experiences, we start writing down what we want in a man (the real standards list begins here).
At 23: If the woman grew up in a family where they promote marriage, by the time they’re done college, their family would ask them about it. This is also the year when their friends, cousins, or siblings ask them if they have a partner.
Around this age, some women start stressing a little about finding the one because of the pressure. They either convince themselves that they’re not in a rush and stick to their standards. Or they start thinking that their standards are too high and maybe that partner doesn’t have to meet the criteria.
At 26: Around this age, women are mostly surrounded by friends that are married, which brings up envy. At this age, society isn’t the only one to blame. I figured that women tend to lower their standards due to peer pressure, lack of self-love and uncertainty.
At 30: Around this age, women that are single at this point start losing hope. They start questioning their standards and consider compromising. I believe that women in their 30s start thinking that their ideal man might not exist.
How society influences women’s standards
When I say society, I am talking about friends, family members and even strangers. The people that are present in our environment, sometimes the media that also pressure women. E.g. a woman can have the want for marriage when they see celebrity couples.
You can see how, by the age of 23, many women get asked: “when are you getting married?” Well, that’s when society starts stressing women about it. I remember I was 21, and my dad said to me, “Victoria, you’re next on the list” after my sister’s wedding. He was probably joking, but I realized that I was getting older and that it was something to start considering.
I was never the type to get influenced by society. I’m not passed 25 yet, but I know how women feel when they see a friend getting married, having children and settling down. If you’re a woman, you probably had these baby fever or visit a married friend and wish you were also living like them.
How I built my standards
All my life, I grew up around wonderful, gorgeous women. As the last one of a big family, there are many advantages. One of them is observing each of your siblings or cousins’ life and decide if you want to go to the same route or not. Fortunately, I was already building my own standards without knowing it.
By the age of 12, I’ve seen my women cry over men, and I told myself that I will never let a man make me cry. I’ve seen some dealing with domestic violence, and I decided to not deal with emotional or physical abuse. Basically, any negative energy coming from my environment, I could feel it, and I definitely didn’t want it.
So when I grew up, I decided to look deeply into why are women’s sole goal in life was marriage. Why were they only going through that happy wedding but not live in a comfortable home? This impacted me when I was 21 and stopped dealing with men. I decided to consciously find the right partner through a good list of high standards, and I maintained it.
What I learned through my 23 years on earth.
I’ve learned many things growing up in a big family. At 23 years old, I figured why marriage was the primary goal for women. It’s in our human nature, we want to feel loved and be able to love. We want to feel cherished and have a happy house because that’s how we were created.
However, I realized that since we were in the 21st century, women shouldn’t focus solely on marriage. Women should concentrate more on self-growth and self-love. Once you have both, you will be able to attract the right person.
Society expectations shouldn’t be something to worry about.
One thing that you should never forget is that people will never be happy. When you find someone that you like, someone will eventually come and tell you about their horrible past. I get it, they probably want what’s best for you, but you have to know that nobody cares more about your happiness than yourself.
What you should do after you wrote down the criteria.
Pray, of course, meditate on that.
If you’re past 23 and not married, you shouldn’t worry one bit about it. I always say, pray for everything you want and let God do the work. You can always ask God for the man that meets your criteria. Ask him exactly what’s on your list, and he will provide.
Read relationship books, get yourself ready.
An excellent book that every woman should read is Getting to ‘I Do,’ by Patricia Allen and Sandra Harmon. It’s a relationship book that explains the female and male energy. I believe that if you read it, you will eventually understand how relationships work.
I also recommend reading Stephan Labossiere books, The Man That God has for me is my favourite. His books are easy to read and aren’t long.
Steve Harvey is my relationship guru, I read his book Straight Talk no Chaser. I also enjoy watching The Steve Harvey Show because he speaks facts about relationships.
On a side note
When you write down your standards, be as specific as you can and even if it’s not realistic, write it down! You should know, though, that your husband might not meet all the criteria. In the book Getting to ‘I Do,’ the author feels that if you get someone who is 51 percent or better, keep him.
Another thing is God will not send you an abusive husband or someone you’re not physically attracted to. You better get turned on as soon as you see him if you will live the rest of your life with him.
When you write down those criteria, don’t forget to do one important task. Be the female version of what you wrote down. If your man has to be healthy, you too should be healthy or working on it. If your man has to be a gentleman, be ready to be as feminine as you can. Take good care of yourself because you’re a queen, and a queen belongs to a king, not a Prince or the King’s friend.
Write down what you can tolerate and what you can’t
Writing down your standards is excellent, but many forget to write down what the man must have and what you can tolerate. This is important because you should know what you don’t want in your relationship. If you absolutely need a man that can put you on a pedestal and the one that you have isn’t doing that, be real with yourself and leave.
There are some red flags that you’re ignoring today that will break your marriage later. I say take a year to get to know the person and then choose if you’re willing to spend the rest of your life with them. Rushing always leads to disaster, especially if it’s someone that you just met. I highly advise that you take your time.
Now, I’m not a relationship guru, but I realized that a relationship is a progress. The more you communicate with your partner, the better the relationship. Stop expecting your partner to know what’s going on in your head. Be ready to speak up when there are things that are bothering you, communication is KEY.
Maintain your standards
If you’ve been single for too long or don’t have a lot of experience, you need to be real with yourself and see life as it is. You might be afraid of commitment like I used to be, and if you are, I would say give it a try. Have the man meet your standards at least 51 percent and then work together to find a better way to make it work.
If you’re a woman with that marriage goal in your life, I hope and pray that marriage isn’t your only goal. There’s more to life than just settling down. Of course, it’s a beautiful thing, in fact, you were created for it. But we live in a world where you can be a wife and also a powerful woman that guides others or contribute to society by giving back.
As a woman, your primary goal should be to love yourself first, grow into the woman that you’re meant to be and strive for greatness. Marriage will come at its own time. Be happy for all the married people and go to that wedding with happiness, not envy.
Last but not least…
After all, society does play a significant role in our decision making. Especially when it comes to marriage, we tend to let people around us pressure us to it. I was fortunate to learn these things early and adjust my standards with the help of many books I’ve read and many things I’ve seen.
Remember, as a woman, you already have a standard of your King. What you should remember is to not let society affect it, don’t reduce your list or disregard it when you’re dating. Be the female version of your standards. By doing that, I’m sure you’ll be able to maintain your standards.
I hope that this post opened your eyes to this topic. What I want you to know is the best way to avoid divorce is before marriage. If you’re someone that has an ideal man in your head, I hope that you won’t only stop there but that you will work towards it.
If you know someone that can benefit from reading this, do not hesitate to share.
Check out The beauty of Self Love Series:
How To Maximize Your Singleness
Reasons Why You Should Never Settle Down
How To Turn Self-Criticism into Self-Love
That was an excellent post Vicky! I have an idéal man in my head but I never written down my criteria
Exactly, we all have our ideal man in our minds. The purpose of writing our standards down is to see it clearly. You can write down what you can tolerate and what you cannot, which is very important. This will help you when you’re experiencing difficulties in your relationship, maybe your partner has a lot of things you can not tolerate but you’re forcing yourself to. Anywho, thank you so much for leaving a comment babe. Cheers to success in your relationship <3.