As we grow, some of us find ourselves being the first generation in a particular field. However, when we’re pursuing our rightful path, we don’t get the support that we think we should from our family, and it’s hard to stay motivated. So, here’s how to keep going when your own family won’t support you.
In 2018, When I decided to pursue what I wanted to do, I felt alone. There wasn’t anyone in my circle that was motivating me to keep writing, and reading. The problem was that I was the only one in my family and circle that was interested in blogging, and that was hard for me to find motivation.
If you’re currently walking on a different path than those around you, e.g., you want to be a businessman, a singer or do something risky. And you find yourself alone in what you’re doing, no encouragement from your peers, and that’s disappointing you. It’s normal that that happens, especially in the beginning.
I want you to know three things; when you start, your family isn’t always going to cheer you up, your own family might be against it, and you will have to find motivation elsewhere.
Your family isn’t always going to cheer you up.
When you’re the first generation in anything, know that as long as you’re pursuing what your heart desires, you’re on the right path. It’s a good thing to do something different, something that you love.
However, this becomes complicated when your family isn’t supportive of your calling. An example: you’re trying to build a business, and the company fails after a year or two, and your family members laugh at you and call you incompetent.
We assume that our own family should be our number one fan. They are the one that should be supporting us the most because we are one of them. When this doesn’t happen, it makes us mad and pushes us to separate ourselves from them.
Unless the relationship with your family is toxic, I wouldn’t suggest that you cut ties. I would recommend that you set boundaries within your family. There are things that they don’t have to know and things that you can share with them. I understand the whole idea of family = team; however, this is not always the case.
Your own family might be against your success.
I would emphasize this: some family members love you but are jealous of you. There’s a lack within them that’s missing, and you have what’s missing in them, maybe it’s the courage that you have or the opportunities.
Like I explained in How I changed my mindset in 3 small steps, I had a moment where I was laughing at other people’s talent. The reason for that was that I wanted what they had. Therefore, some of your family members might feel the same way about what you’re pursuing.
An example of this would be; you are someone that had the privilege of going to university and finishing it. While your siblings, due to family struggles, only finished high school and can’t seem to get their life together. When they see what you’ve accomplished, they might feel some way. Maybe they’re happy for you, but they mostly feel sad for themself. And this is understandable.
That’s why it’s crucial to set boundaries between your brothers and sisters and understand their role in your life. They love you. However, some success is hard to enjoy together unless you’re giving them money, haha.
Find motivation elsewhere.
If the fact that your peers aren’t cheering you up is breaking your heart, I would recommend to not only set boundaries but to look elsewhere. What I mean by this is, find your cheer squad.
Building a network or a team outside of the family has many benefits. You don’t choose your family members, but you can select your cheer squad. Have a group of friends, five of them or less that can encourage you to keep going. Even if they don’t understand what you’re doing, they will be cheering for you.
You can also find a mentor, someone that would guide you in what you’re looking to become. A mentor is someone that is already where you want to be. This person will probably understand your current challenges and will help you go through it.
You can have many mentors for different purposes. If you want to be a great husband, find someone that’s already a great husband in your area. If you’re going to be a great businessman, find someone that’s excelling in that area. Anyways, you get the idea.
Don’t be afraid of letting people go.
When you’re starting to enjoy what you’re doing, there’s going to be people that will start to distance themselves from you. If these people aren’t happy about your growth, I recommend that you let them go.
When you are moving forward, remember that you can’t bring everyone with you. People from your past will have to stay in the past so that you can welcome new colleagues. There’s nothing wrong with that. You might even find yourself outgrowing your mentor and finding a new one because you have a new goal.
I believe that each individual has a purpose in your life when you meet them. They come to your life to teach you a lesson and leave as they came. Some people are there for a short period, and some are here to stay forever.
You have to figure it out and accept it. Don’t lose hope or lose motivation. Be disciplined so that you don’t blame motivation for not doing what you’re supposed to. Don’t blame your failures in others, but find a way to better yourself from that failure. Failures also have a purpose in your life; the goal of failure is to teach you a lesson. We don’t learn anything if we’re always winning.