I’ve met so many people in this world; it might be less than the number of people you know because I’m home most of the time. However, I’ve noticed one thing in common in many people today from my experience. People think that being single sucks. The world we live in has destroyed how we see singleness, which became toxic for us.
Many people think that the only way to be happy is to have a partner, a significant other. Viewing happiness as conditional stops us from seeing the possibility that we could have joy in our singleness.
The meaning of singleness
Before we go any deeper, I wanted to make sure we understand one thing: What exactly is being single?
In Emmerance’s words, being single is being whole. I know that being single simply means that you’re not in a relationship in this era. However, the real meaning of being single is whole; it’s only in your singleness that you find wholeness.
The perception that we have about marriage is a lie. The lie is when we say that the husband and wife complete each other. The reality is, the perfect husband/wife would come into your life to add value, not to complete you. If you maximize your singleness, you will end up building yourself, and then you will be able to find the right partner to bring more goodness into your life.
The modern mindset of singleness
Alright, let’s go back to the way people view singleness today. I know many people that think that you need someone to find happiness, that you absolutely have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Some people are convinced that they have to be with someone or else they will be unhappy. They’ve associated singleness with words like alone, lonely, sad, and all other negative things you can think of.
I’m not just talking about people that must be in committed relationships. I’m also talking about people who let themselves be in situationships, allowing themselves to be disrespected by another human being because they’re afraid of being “alone.”
There are a few reality checks that someone with that mindset has to realize. To name a few, if you have that modern mindset of singleness, you must first realize that being single doesn’t mean that you’re not loved. It doesn’t mean that you will end up alone or never find love if you’re single.
If you’ve been living with that mindset, you will realize that you’re not growing as a person sooner or later. You will continuously keep going in a circle through the dating stages over and over again, and that will eventually become overwhelming. You might also realize that you don’t love the person that you’re with or that you let yourself down by staying in a relationship where the love died a long time ago. Or you’re the placeholder, doing everything you can to keep a man/woman just because you’re afraid of being single.
Can you tell how hard it is to stay in a toxic relationship? However, we often remain in those unhealthy relationships, the ones that we don’t belong to.
On the other hand, if you’re living with that mindset and you’re single, you might be that person who always complains about their singleness. You’re probably spending your day looking at Instagram couples and having that feeling of envy all over again. If not envy, you might be feeling more depressed about finding a partner. You believe that you must be in a relationship, and you give the excuse of being an extrovert, that you must be around someone or have someone to talk to 24/7.
Both of these situations are exhausting. I even got overwhelmed by writing it. However, feeling overwhelmed isn’t the only downfall of having such a mindset.
The result of being single and not happy or being in a relationship/situationship because you’re afraid of being single is the following: You find yourself in an emotional rollercoaster. You’re not sure if you love the person you’re with or if you’re good enough for that person. You’re always worried; you want to control your relationship, wanting to have all your partner’s passwords and location. All of this creates more stress, anxiety, inability to sleep at night, always crying over your partner, unhappiness in your relationship and failure to take care of yourself.
What happens when you see singleness as being whole?
When you view singleness as a good thing, specifically, you understand that being single is an opportunity to become whole; you immediately start enjoying your singleness. Many positive things could happen. To name a few, you will begin to maximize your singleness, making sure that you’re taking care of yourself. You will start to understand that you’re the most crucial thing in this world. By putting yourself first, you will satisfy your urges and stress less. Also, you will be able to date correctly and find the right partner.
There are a few ways to start to enjoy your singleness, and I named the first one already, which is maximizing your singleness. The second method that I used to make sure that I was putting myself first was…
