In today’s age, we see many people that are not happy because they’re unable to find a partner. I was also one of them, and I’ve tried many ways to be happy single. But of all the ways that I tried, I found that being single is where you find true happiness.
What is happiness?
To me, happiness is different from joy. Being happy is an emotion that comes when there’s an event that happened. That event changed our feelings to a positive state, a temporary state of joy. E.g., we’re feeling sad because it’s raining outside or we’re happy because we got a promotion at work.
On the other side, joy is an emotion that resides within us and that no matter what happens, I will always have that joy in my heart. E.g., when it rains outside, I can enjoy the sound of it and sleep well.
However, in the dictionary, these two words are synonyms. So for the sake of it, I will use the word happiness as the joy that resides within us. You define it as you want but, I’m sure that many people that want to be happy single want the joy that I described above.
Happiness resides within us, not elsewhere.
You decide to be happy, and you can be happy whenever you want.
So, let’s get back to the singleness. One thing that many people struggle with is learning to be happy single. In our minds, we believe that our happiness is within a relationship, and we can’t have that happiness if we’re single.
That’s understandable because we’re human beings. Human beings are created to belong, to be surrounded by people. However, this is becoming an issue when people think that they can only find happiness when they get married or find a partner.
For me, as I described in maximizing your singleness, being single is perfect; it’s an opportunity of a lifetime. It’s not that being in a relationship is wrong. It becomes an issue when a lot of people want to be in a relationship because they want to be happy.
I found out that for me to be happy in my singleness, there are a few things that I had to understand about being single. The first thing that I realized was that being single is the greatest gift that life can give you. The second was that being single is fantastic; it’s a season to get to know yourself better. And, the third one was that being single is where you attract happiness.
Being single is the greatest gift that life can give you.
I had a moment where I had to think about my current situation and ask myself if I was ready to be in a relationship or even married. The answer was no; I’m not ready; I still have many things going on. For example, my bank account was poorly managed, and I wasn’t where I would like to be in life.
When I started to enjoy my single journey, I understood that it was an opportunity to do anything that I wanted without anyone’s approval. I had an opportunity that many couples would like to have, having more time for yourself.
Being single is where you can take a risk without worrying about people that depend on you. There are so many things you can be doing just to get yourself ready for anything you desire during this season. E.g., getting prepared for marriage, kids, financial freedom, or building yourself.
You are the only one that can say yes or no when it comes to making decisions. You are the only one that manages your financial and mental health. Who else are you going to blame if something goes wrong in your life but yourself?
If you ever sat down with parents or people in a relationship, you will hear stories that will make you thank God because you’re single. I’m not saying that being married or having kids is an issue. Still, there’s a lot of responsibilities that they face, and when you’re single, those are nonexistent.
Take a deep breath and do this:
Think about your life right now and think of events that you’re thankful for, like being broke, or not having a job. Those adverse events happened while you’re single, with no kids. You went through stress by yourself, it was hard, but imagine how hard it would be if you had another mouth to feed.
Another exercise that you can do is think of all the expenses and mental stress that you’re avoiding. There are some expenses that you’re dealing with when you’re single. However, it could be a lot less than when you’re in a relationship or have kids. There is some mental stress that you’re also avoiding, like your mother in law that doesn’t like you or not feeling appreciated by your partner.
Yes, being in a relationship or married is hard; it’s a commitment. So don’t rush into it if you’re not ready.
Those were exercises for single people that have no kids. However, if you’re a single parent, think about the hardship that you’re not dealing with and appreciate the situation you’re in right now.
My first realization was that the key to happiness is not to wait for it to come at you but to decide that you’re going to be happy no matter what. Happiness typically starts by appreciating what we don’t have and thanking God for it.
Being single is a season to get to know yourself better.
From my personal experience, since my last relationship, I took the time to read and teach myself about relationships. The reason is, there were so many unanswered questions that I wanted to solve.
I always wanted to be better; I wanted to be a better girlfriend. I wanted to be able to support my partner and learn more about men in general. However, the more I was reading, the more I realized that I had to take care of myself first to be better.
That’s when I started focusing on myself. I started thinking about how I can improve myself, my skills, and my personality. When I thought of those things, I started asking myself more critical questions. Questions like what is my purpose in life or who am I, who do I want to be.
These questions helped me find my values, define my boundaries and drop some baggage that I was holding.
Therefore, this is essential to start thinking about bettering yourself during your single journey. Ask yourself questions that will help you grow and explore yourself as an individual.
Exercises that I used when I was getting to know myself better:
When I travelled to Vancouver, a good friend introduced me to the personality test. He told me that the way to get an accurate result is to do the test first thing in the morning. Doing so will help you answer the questions without being biased by your environment or thoughts.
The test result was an eye-opener to me. I’m a mediator. Even though I do not agree with everything it said, most of it was true. For example, the result mentioned that while growing up, every mediator’s dream growing up is to become an author. I was someone that hated reading and writing but ended up creating a blog.
So, it’s like reading about yourself from a different perspective, and it helped me realize what I should be doing to better myself. It gives you the personality strengths and weaknesses, and you can compare it with your past to see what you can adjust to be better.
Another fun quiz that I did was the love language test. I heard of it from the Oprah Winfrey podcast, and the test helped me get to know my love language, the way I want to be loved.
It’s interesting to know these things because it will help you understand why you love receiving gifts, and not just spend quality time with the one you love. I suggest that you do it, you might be surprised by your results.
Get a notebook and write your thoughts.
I have one journal that is only for my thoughts. I started writing down my thoughts a long time ago, so I had the opportunity to re-read them. You can do this too and re-read it later.
Writing down your thoughts will help you see how you think. It’s a fun activity because you will realize that your mind is the foundation of your habits. If you read and understand that you’re often negative, I suggest that you find a way to be more positive.
Meditation & motivational quotes
I tried meditating, reading motivational quotes or declarations, and I loved it. It helped me reshape my mindset. It’s like going on a mental diet, you feed your mind with beautiful things, and the way you think starts changing as you go.
I suggest that you find a way to reshape your mind, unlearn things that you were forced to believe and teach yourself to be better. You can start by following positive pages on social media, or read an excellent motivational book or listen to a good podcast; I suggest the Mindset Mentor.
The singleness season exists so that you can get to know yourself better.
Being single teaches you a lot about yourself, your values and your standards.
You’ve probably heard the following: people that have been single for the longest time have issues going in a relationship, something along those lines. The reason is, when you’ve been single for a long time, you spent most of your time with yourself, families, friends or colleagues. You’ve learned how to enjoy your own company, which helped you build your values, what you want for your future, and what kind of person you want to have around you.
If you want a relationship, it’s good to give time to yourself first, to get to know your values. In the process of doing so, you will have a different mindset, the more time you spend with yourself, the more you will realize how wonderful of a person you are.
I suggest you take the time to do the activities mentioned above. It’s not just for fun. It’s educational; you read more about yourself and asses what you want to change and what you want to keep. However, you will find yourself to be a more exciting individual and find a way to be better.
Being single is where you attract happiness.
Oprah Winfrey says the most valuable gifts you can give yourself is time. Taking time to be fully present. And she’s right!
The greatest gift I ever gave myself was time, and I still do. By doing the activities mentioned above, I found great happiness, the joy within me. I realized that I could be better, a better sister, aunt, and person. My energy turned positive, and I even found another employment because I chose to live in my joyful state.
Imagine, you’re unhappily single, and with the hope that being with someone will change that. When that person rejects you, you become more confused and start hating yourself. I don’t know about you, but my biggest fear is to be in a relationship with the wrong person and waste my time dating them.
We waste our time going after people that don’t care about us or our happiness. You go through heartbreaks after heartbreaks and looking back. You realize that you spent three years trying to find “the one.”
Use your time to better yourself.
Now imagine you take that time to better yourself, enjoy your own company and building your values. You go to the gym, handle your money or create your own business.
I took the time to better myself, not just through meditation and declarations, but I started changing my habits. For example; I started enjoying time on my own with books; I used to hate reading, but now I love it. I opened my mind to a new world, and I created a routine. I started working out, listening to podcasts and thinking about going on an entrepreneur journey.
You transform yourself and become more attractive, valuable, secure and confident through this season. All these would make you happier, more enjoyable. People will start coming to you because they want what you have.
That’s the opportunity for you to choose who you want to invite in your life. You will start attracting people that have the same value as you, people that are secure, attractive, and confident.
The good thing about it is, even when the person leaves, you built a foundation that nobody can take from you, which is your happiness.
Being single is where true happiness begins.
I’m sure that single people that want to be happy, want to be pleased with themselves and for me, that’s happiness—being happy with what you have and what you don’t have. You spend your time with yourself, and you challenge yourself every day, you are confident, and that will attract people you’ve never imagined attracting.
I am single, happy, and I love it. Every day, I fight with my thoughts, but I’m satisfied with who I have become, and people around me tell me that a lot. My circle did change, and I am meeting people that are encouraging me to better myself.
On a side note, even if you are dating or married, you should take the time to be happy as an individual, being happy single.
I hope that this post was an eye-opener for many of you that are struggling with being single and happy.
Check out The beauty of Self Love Series:
How To Maximize Your Singleness
Reasons Why You Should Never Settle Down
How To Turn Self-Criticism into Self-Love
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