In 2018, I faced the biggest depression of my life. I was going through hell on earth, I was crying every day before sleeping. That season was the hardest season of my life so far, but it was the moment where my mindset changed.
During that time, I was very lonely, I felt like there was no solution to my issues. Today something would come up, and the next day another phone call with lots of bad news. I had financial troubles, friendship drama and family issues.
How it all started with a fixed mindset
The first bad news was about my student loans; at the end of 2017, I had to start paying my own tuition because I “wasn’t honest” with my income. The truth was, I did my taxes 3 years late, and I didn’t know the connection it had with my student loans, I didn’t care about those things.
While I was going through that, I was terrified of not finishing University. Therefore, I was looking for different streams of income, and I ended up having 2 employment and was studying full time. You can only imagine the stress and anxiety I had.
At the same time, I was trying to find a solution with other people. With my ex, my close friends, my family, but no one could help me go through the challenges. I thought that nobody was helping because they were saying that it will be okay, but the reality was that it wasn’t. I ended my relationship with my ex, and that’s when my depression started.
I remember I would wake up at 5 am to teach online and then go to campus to study then work at the accessory shop. Come back home and cry my way to bed. However, when I was outside, nobody knew what I was going through. I was always smiling and active on social media until I realized that it wasn’t helping me either, so I deleted my social media.
When I removed my social media to give myself a break, I received a phone call, and it was the end of a good friendship. One thing laid to another, plus my family issues, and that’s when I realized that there was no way out of my sad situations.
Step one: The moment I decided to change my mindset, being conscious that I needed to change myself.
Like I explained in “How to be happy single,” I had a moment in my life where I started asking myself many questions. This occurred after I watched a YouTube sermon, “Relationship Goals by Pastor Mike.” In that sermon, he said: “you only need the bible in life; you don’t even need to come to church.” That’s when I began to change my mindset, by only reading the bible.
The year 2018 was a year of growth for me. I started reading the bible more consciously, and when that happened, I got a new job that paid my tuition. That was just the beginning of my transformation.
At that job, I was sitting next to a wonderful woman that inspired me to write, “Reasons why you should never settle down.” We were always having different life conversations, and despite our age difference, my wisdom helped her with her season of uncertainty.
That’s when I decided to start writing, I decided to face my fears. You see, reading and writing weren’t my favourite thing to do. In fact, I used to laugh at people who read or write. That’s because it was something I lacked.
So how come I am still writing today and posting every week? How did I end up doing the things I hated the most? I started working out and staying conscious of the time I spend on entertainment and productivity. Who would have thought that I would be like this two years later?
What happened was a mind-shift. Without noticing, since I was depressed, I came out stronger, more hopeful and rigorous. Every day, as I was reading and learning new things, I always asked myself how I could improve. From my financial hardship to my relationship struggles, I’ve never doubted myself that I wouldn’t succeed.
Step two: I had to look deep within my mindset; self-reflection.
The very first thing that I did was going deep in the source, my little history on earth.
If you want to change your mindset, you must know what’s wrong with your current mindset. When I was depressed in 2018, every adverse event that happened was never my fault. “It was not my fault for being in this situation,” I would think. For example, I told myself if my siblings or parents taught me how to do my taxes properly, I would’ve avoided my financial hardship.
When I realized that I wasn’t going anywhere with the excuses. I decided to look at what I could have done to fix it, how I was to blame and take responsibility. That’s when I started looking more in-depth, I realized that I lived unconsciously, letting the world guide me. The people that I was looking up to didn’t even know better for themselves, and I was way too young and reckless to listen.
When I was looking deep within, I realized that I used to be a victim of verbal abuse. What I mean by that is, when I was a child, people made fun of me because I was a slow learner. I was slow at learning how to read, and at remembering stuff. Because of that, I gave up on reading and writing because I thought that it wasn’t for me. I gave up on being smart all together, I was only doing the bare minimum at school all these years.
So there I was looking back and forth, and I noticed that the issue was within me, not elsewhere. People indeed made fun of me, but it doesn’t stop me from doing and learning what is essential for my own survival.
Step three: I had to switch my fixed mindset to a growth mindset. The learning mode.
I started searching, reading my bible, reading other books and watching YouTube videos to learn. At first, I didn’t know what I was doing or where I was going. I only wanted knowledge, so I read about everything; I read spirituality, financial, and relationship books.
It was a bizarre season because I was changing. I was transforming myself and becoming who I was meant to be (I’m still trying to figure it out). Once I started to learn new things, I always wanted to share my thoughts and my wisdom. Weird enough, I realized that the people that left me when I was depressed wasn’t meant to stay in my life. I met brand new awesome people and learned from them.
Believe that you can do it!
I’ve always wanted to have a blog, and I figured that since I was giving many pieces of advice to my friends and family, why not give it to the world. However, there was one thing that was blocking me, writing. I was too afraid of looking dumb or not making sense.
Regardless of the doubts, I decided to invest in the blog anyway and to try. I believed that I could do anything if I work and stay consistent. Of course, there are times of doubt, but I figured how I can keep going without listening to the demon within me. That’s basically what the growth mindset is all about, there is no limit in what you can do.
Practice what you learn.
Everything starts with baby steps, and the rule here is consistency and perseverance. There’s going to be a time where you want to give up and times where you think that it’s too long. Still, you should be patient and practice what you learn. I focused on looking sexy and crazy instead because it’s so easy to hide our talents and go with the crowd. However, it gets tiring, it gets old. You will end up seeking growth in your life, do it now, don’t wait when you’re too old and start asking yourself, “what if.”
I am very thankful to God for making my 2018 so hard because it was a very challenging year but a wonderful one at that. 2019 and 2020 also came with challenges, but with what I went through in 2018, I realized that 2019 and 2020 are years that I am putting into practice what I learned yesterday, today.
And I also believe that you can do it. You can switch the mindset at any given moment. You just need to give yourself a chance and do what makes you nervous. Having a growth mindset means that you believe that you can do anything, you should practice harder and smarter.
I decided to write a piece of my life in my blog because it’s a mental health week. If you’re going through depression, don’t seek help from people that don’t know how it feels to be depressed. Seek advice from people that would either listen to you or even pay a professional for it. I know I did it, and I can’t wait to share my counselling journey with you.
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