I was on YouTube the other day watching a video about knowing your worth. The video provided details on the importance of knowing your worth and adding value to yourself. However, it left out something important that I’m going to share with you in this post: how to value yourself.

After reading books, blog posts and forums about human nature, I noticed one thing: We all learned how to value ourselves from childhood. As you grow, you have adults around you that inspire you, label you and guides you. We meet new people who perceive us in a certain way, which influences how we see ourselves.

Therefore, it is guaranteed that the way we value ourselves today comes from other people’s perspectives. We have people within our family and people outside of our family that tell us our values. Later, when you grow, life turns into our teacher and teaches us that whatever we experienced as children does not determine our worth. 

The value of a house

The video that I mentioned at the beginning of this post gave an excellent example of how we should see our value. Let’s say that you own a house and you’re trying to sell it. You know that the house’s value is 500k; however, because of the house’s age and the required renovation, your home’s value can drop to 300k. 

Human beings are the same. We can’t put a price on ourselves, but we are worth something. When you were born, you were priceless. As you grow, life experience makes it that you have trust issues and many flaws. For you to return to your invaluable self, you must level up your value.

Society failed to teach us how to value ourselves. We’re so busy worrying about what we can bring to society and meeting their expectations that we let people tell us our worth. Then, we get exhausted, we don’t fully live our lives the way we want to. To help you know how to value yourself, I put together 5 different ways to do it.

Before you continue reading, go read Reasons Why it’s Okay to be Selfish if you haven’t already. The reason is, you have to understand that you have to be selfish in order to function well in this society. Not many people will like it, but you will definitely start to discover yourself. 

Know yourself

The one person that people don’t know better is themselves. Growing up, you were probably a fan of a celebrity. You knew many things about that person that doesn’t know you even exist. You probably spent time getting to know other people, you knew your friends very well, and you guys connected and even called each other best friends.

What many people lack when it comes to knowing their worth is knowing themself. Knowing their strengths and weaknesses. What kind of personality do they have or the type of mindset.

Knowing yourself is the foundation of your life; you can’t be yourself if you don’t know your identity. It’s like using a product without knowing what it’s good for. That’s how many people walk in life. They’re blinded by what society told them that they were, and they don’t know their true identity.

I’m not talking about knowing your life’s purpose. I’m talking about knowing yourself to an extent where if someone comes today and tells you that you lack something, you won’t let that define you because you know yourself.

I have been there, and it’s still a work in progress. I used to let anyone define me. Some people thought that I wasn’t smart, and some thought I was nice. No matter what other people describe me as, it didn’t matter. I was letting them define my value. 

The good side about knowing yourself is that it will help you determine the path you want to take, the people you want to be around, your career, your gift and how you want to be treated. Give yourself time, find yourself because you will get to where you’re supposed to be in a short period if you know your weakness and how to transform them into your strength.

Work on your self-esteem.

As mentioned above, we usually let other people define us. Some people say mean things to us that leaves a wound that we carry all our life.

I remember when I was 6 years old. Many people laughed at me because I couldn’t read properly nor write. This left me wondering if I was dumb or something. The result came from school. I wasn’t trying hard enough because I thought that I was dumb.

Another one is people that laughed at me because I was the tallest in the class. That also made me think that I wasn’t pretty for a girl. So, I started acting like a boy and played with them more than playing with barbies. 

I don’t know your story, but I know you were probably a victim of some sort. Maybe it was more or less harmful than mine, but it affected the way you see yourself. 

Now that you have self-esteem issues and self-doubt, what do you do? Well, you dare yourself to do exactly what other people told you you couldn’t do. You have to work on your self-esteem; you dare to be great in any field and prove them wrong. Actually, it’s not about proving them wrong. It’s about proving yourself wrong for believing in what other people said about you. 

Many people lack self-esteem. They lack confidence. When someone says something mean to you, they are only reflecting their lack in you. Therefore, don’t take it personally. It goes with everything else you might’ve experienced in life, like a partner lying to you or cheating on you. It doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you; it means that they’re lacking something, and it’s up to them to figure it out.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone.

Sometimes we get to a point where we look at our neighbour’s grass, and it looks greener than ours. We think that they have their life together, and they live fabulously. Just like I explained above, everyone has their own issues. Therefore, the wisest thing that you can do is to focus on getting yourself better.

Don’t ever compare yourself to others. You never know the struggles that other people are going through. We tend to compare ourselves with many people, even to those we barely know or who don’t know us. You have no idea the struggles they take in order to make that grass so green and shiny, or maybe it’s fake? 

Seriously, if you’re the type to always say; everyone has it all together or “they have something that you don’t have,” Please, stop doing that right now. Doing that will only slow you down because you will stop what you’re doing right to look at what the other person is doing. It’s okay if you were to ask them how they’re doing so well, you might even be surprised by what they might say. 

Comparing yourself to others will only build jealousy and envy. When you stop comparing yourself, you will actually see your real value. When you start to focus on yourself, you work on your value. You will discover what you can do differently, have ideas to make your situation better, and realize your real strength.

Change your lifestyle.

When it comes to valuing yourself, some people aren’t ready to change their lifestyle. If your walking in a path that you know yourself you’re not supposed to be walking in, change that. 

You have to understand that the way you live your life determines your value. If you’re regularly throwing your life away or have unhealthy habits, you have to know that you’re decreasing your value. People judge what they see, and I’m not talking about being a people pleaser. Sometimes, we have to stop and do a self-evaluation. By that, I mean to stop and ask ourselves if we’re living our life the way we want to live.

Remember, nobody wants your happiness more than yourself. You have to take care of yourself. Why hurt yourself? Because it’s the norm in society? 

If it’s your environment that’s not helping you change, then change your environment. If it’s a family member or someone you care for that’s making you live the way you live, you need to think of a way to not communicate with them like you usually do. Prioritize setting healthy boundaries in your life.

Limit the business you share, recalculate your path and change the whole course if necessary. We have things that we are addicted to, but how does that bring us value? We’re actually ruining ourselves. We’re not adding value if we live the way society wants us to live.

Put a price on yourself.

The term value goes hand in hand with a price. Technically someone that values themselves would know what other people have to do to get their attention, time or even money. 

You’re not a product for sale. I’m not talking about people spending money to have you. However, you do come with a price. Certain people will have to spend some money to have you for the rest of their lives. Some people would have to sacrifice their time for quality time with you. You get the idea. 

Therefore, it would help if you have standards in life. Stop being the nice guy, don’t settle for things when you know that you deserve more. You desire to be respected and not taken for granted. When a man or woman isn’t doing what’s necessary to keep you around, go for the people who are willing to respect and cherish you.

You desire to be loved and not get walked on. Therefore, you shouldn’t tolerate people that come and goes into your life. Again, this is a work in progress. I was in a relationship where nothing good was coming out of it. When you realize that you’ve been giving 100% and the person barely gave 25%, that’s when you know that you should leave. 

Don’t let society tell you that your price is too high, that nobody will be willing to pay that price. You know the package that comes with you, so keep that standard high and don’t settle. Believe me, the right people will come around. You just have to work on yourself, change your lifestyle and take your worth seriously.

To finish…

Honestly speaking, growing up, my mother would always compare me to other people, other girls. One day, I got sick and tired of it. I turned to my mirror and talked to the beautiful girl that was standing in front of me. 

I have never blamed myself for anything because we are not perfect, but I know that I have something that others don’t have. I know that I can’t put a price on myself because my price is priceless. I’m experiencing it every day. I had a coworker that told me how happy she was to be sitting next to me because I always made her feel better. That’s a value. 

I know who I am, I know where I’m going because I decide I’m the Queen of my own life, and it was in 2018 that I took another path. I walked away from many people, and many people walked away from me. It’s not because they were terrible people, but because they weren’t seeing my value. In contrast, I saw theirs, so there’s definitely no connections there.

If you’re unsure of your value, try the 5 ways to value yourself. Once you implement them, you will see how you’ll start attracting the right people in your life. As I always say, don’t settle for what other people define you as. Pick up a paper and pen and write your values and what’s your worth. If you need a little help with that, you can connect with me on Instagram or send an email to victoria@emmerance.com.

Check out The beauty of Self Love Series:

How To Maximize Your Singleness

Reasons Why You Should Never Settle Down

How To Be Happy Single

Let’s Talk About Standards

How To Choose Yourself

How To Turn Self-Criticism into Self-Love