As we get older, we get pressured by society to settle down. Settle down in marriage, career, or life in general. However, when we do that, we miss so many opportunities. That’s why I don’t believe in settling down, and I’m going to give you reasons why you should never settle down.
What does settling down mean?
In Emmerance’s words, settling down is accepting to live an ordinary life. A life that everyone is living in. Living with a routine of going to work, getting a diploma, getting married, having children, just living to make ends meet basically.
Here’s a definition I got from Merriam-Webster dictionary: Settling down means “to begin to live a quiet and steady life by getting a regular job, getting married, etc.”
I’m aware that settling down may mean something else for you. We all come from different backgrounds, cultures or even religions. However, we can all agree that the meaning of settling down is being comfortable with being “regular.”
Life lesson on settling down; A life story of a colleague
My colleague and I once had a conversation about her life. In our exchange, she told me about how her life was when she was still young and innocent. She married at a super young age and had children in her early 20s.
There was a point in her life where she lived just to provide for her kids. She explained how she became a housewife whose life circumstances forced her to live for her husband and children and not herself.
However, her relationship was toxic to the point where it became unbearable to live under the same roof with her husband. One day, she decided to leave him and start a new life with her children.
As a single mother who had to take care of her beautiful kids, she started looking for employment. Luckily she was able to find them along the way, and she held to her current position for almost 10 years now.
Listening to our intuition, how do we genuinely want to live our lives?
My colleague is a wonderful woman, she’s a great mother, and she’s handling her life well. The last time I talked to her, she told me something that I will never forget, and this is why I wanted to say to my readers to never settle down. She said, “we have to stop and listen to that little voice. It speaks only the truth.”
The little voice that she’s talking about is our intuition. Yes, she wanted to get married, then she had to take care of her children all by herself. So what she wanted happened. However, along the way, her little voice was whispering a better plan for her, but she chose the “regular” lifestyle.
As I was listening to her story, I was amazed at how I could relate to some of her life’s struggles even though I’m not married or have a career yet. I could relate to feeling like you must take care of other people, putting everyone first.
You get pushed to go the easy route, having a 9 to 5 job just to provide. But on the inside, you hate what you’re doing and want to do something that genuinely inspires you.
You might relate to this story too; maybe you’re in a toxic relationship and don’t have a way out. Your life plans might be, wanting to settle down and have children then live the married lifestyle.
On the other hand, you probably found employment that paid well and wondering if you should settle down for the regular job and live paycheques by paycheques. Or you can’t relate to her story, maybe your situation is the opposite, and you still want to settle down for a decent life, or your circle is pushing you to do it.
Society’s advice on settling down
We all have people around us (family, friends, colleagues) that would advise us to settle down. They will tell you to go to school until you realize that school isn’t all there is out there. Then, they will rush you to marry, have kids, get into debts etc. As a result, you no longer live for yourself but for other people.
They are advising you that you can’t live a life that you’re supposed to live, but to live to make ends meet, pay your bills and wait for the next paycheque. That’s what they call settling down in life, pretty boring right?
Settling down goes against your purpose in life.
However, I know that we were created for a purpose; to live an abundant life. Everyone was uniquely designed with different goals in life.
Have you ever seen an object that doesn’t have a purpose? You have your cellphone to make calls. You buy a cup to fill liquid in it, etc. Everything that’s created has a purpose.
Sometimes, people use the object for a different purpose, which is entirely different from what they intended to be used for. E.g., someone might use a cup to put their jewelry in it other than liquid, which moves the cup away from its purpose.
Settling down is like using your life’s purpose entirely different from what you’re intended to do. If you’re not happy with your life today, that means that you’re not doing what you were truly made for.
You were not created to live a “quiet” decent life. You were made to do something that excites you, something you can do with passion and happiness.
Life isn’t supposed to be quiet. It’s supposed to move you, get you somewhere and bring you to a level of experience where you can teach others how you got there.
The things you truly want are beyond settling down.
Human beings are social animals; we can’t survive without other people. That’s why it’s normal to be wanting a family, marriage or children. We need human connections.
That’s why I wanted to clarify that I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be married or have children. What I’m trying to say is, life is much bigger than that. Settling down is basic; living your life to just survive won’t bring you joy.
Regardless of what you’re doing right now, you shouldn’t be in that same position 5 years from now. God did not create us to only work and have children. He created us to have a beautiful life, to build and help others. To climp up a ladder and then help others get where we are.
Don’t settle down out of fear, you don’t know what life will bring.
Humans love to control everything. We love to control our life, our children’s life and even other people’s life. How do we control life? We plan.
When there’s a newborn, the couple already plans what the newborn will be in the future. However, life doesn’t work that way. Of course, we should make decisions based on who we want to be. But we don’t know what life will bring.
Many people settle down because it’s “safe.” After all, they’re secure. Their money is secure, and the children can go to school and have food on the table. Most of our planning is for security. Naturally, when people plan, they plan for the worst.
When you’re thinking about settling down, ask yourself if you’re doing it out of fear. Some people settle down with someone they don’t love just because they’re afraid of restarting the dating stages. That’s how people are getting to a point where they don’t live life the way they’re supposed to.
What fear does is limit us; it doesn’t enable us to see our life’s potential. Don’t let your fears limit you. It’s okay to plan for tomorrow, but don’t tell yourself that everything will stop there. You should strive for better and better every day.
Everything in life is temporary, so settling down will also be temporary.
Life is too short, and I hope you know that. The beauty of life is the fact that everything in life is temporary. I’m not wishing this to anyone, but you settle down today with your husband or wife. Tomorrow, they might change their mind and leave you.
We live in a world where everything has to evolve. People change, life situations get better or worse, but we live through all that, and we learn. If the world has to evolve, for better or worse, and that everything is temporary, why choose to settle down?
I want to let you know that your current situation will evolve for the better if you choose to develop it that way. When you decide to settle down today, know that your life situation is temporary. Nothing is certain; you’re not sure that you will stay at your 9 to 5 forever.
Your toxic or uncomfortable situation today will not remain the same tomorrow. Whatever you’re going through today is temporary, whether it’s something good or bad. You should accept life as it is but never tell yourself that you will be settling down and doing the same thing for the rest of your life.
Especially if it’s toxic, if you’re unhappy, change it. Never stay in a situation where you know that you’re not happy. Whatever you’re going through today doesn’t determine your future. Don’t go with the flow if your intuition is telling you to go another route.
When choosing to settle down, make sure that you don’t regret it later.
As I mentioned above, we were all made for a purpose. We were not made to have a decent lifestyle; your life should be above average. We all have our intuition and emotions guiding us towards our purpose. When we’re not satisfied with our lifestyle, it simply means that we must do something about it.
Whenever I think of my colleague, I see how she might be living with regret. She was always telling me to not stay at that employment for too long. She always encourages me to write, to do different things that I’m thinking of doing.
When you settle down, don’t regret it later. While you stick with the same lifestyle for 5 or more years, a lot is happening to someone who chose to follow their intuition. Even if you’re getting old and want to rush into marriage, don’t do it if you don’t love your partner.
Everything you do in life, you must love it. Your guts will tell you what to do. Choose the path of no regret, and that path is not to settle down. Even when you’re married with kids, your life purpose is still there for you to follow.
I know many people that are doing different things while they’re married and with kids too. They follow their dreams, regardless. I know bakers, attorneys, creative bloggers that continue to move forward on top of being a husband, a wife or a parent.
A simple reminder, you should never settle down.
Settling down isn’t just in a relationship like I explained; it can also be in life altogether (career, friendships, etc.). My colleague’s story made me think a lot about my own life. Of course, I want to get married, have children and a career, but her story made me think, “do I stop there?” Do you stop there?
Settling moves you away from your life’s purpose. Whatever security you want to have, you can have it. However, don’t let it carry you away from your life’s purpose.
Again, we never know what life might bring us. The one that we love today could be a stranger tomorrow. Our career might shift from one job to another, which means that you shouldn’t spend so many years in one employment unless you’re doing what you love.
And honestly, I wouldn’t ever force anyone to go for a quiet and decent life because it doesn’t exist. Life has unexpected events that might change the way we live entirely, so why do you want to plan everything when you don’t know what life might bring?
It might be challenging right now, but don’t think that it’s the end of it. There’s going to be good and bad times every time until you die; all you have to remember is that everything is temporary. So in whatever you do, go higher and don’t stay in the Status quo, don’t settle down.
I hope that this post made you think and encouraged you to see your life as an unlimited goal achiever.
Check out The beauty of Self Love Series:
How To Maximize Your Singleness
Reasons Why You Should Never Settle Down
How To Turn Self-Criticism into Self-Love
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Great analysis, well thought out and explained. Value of self is emphasized and life is too short to be just content in life. It was the reminder I needed !
Exactly, we should all have a reminder that life is limitless. Thank you for your feedback