How to maximize your singleness when you think that singleness sucks? I found out that many people struggle with themselves, so they get into different relationships because they don’t want to be alone. Well, I will share how to maximize your singleness, for it to be beneficial to you.
Some people might think or maybe feel that being single sucks. I know, sometimes it can. It can suck when you want to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
Being single is as essential as being in a relationship, having a spouse, kids etc. It’s important!! Why? Because that’s when you’re supposed to FOCUS on YOURSELF! That’s when you’re supposed to be prepared for the vision that you have for your future. That’s when you get to know you and improve you.
I remember when I wrote this post for the first time, I wanted to share how being single is beneficial. Back in 2018, I was battling between being in a relationship or remaining single. When I decided to stay single, I took the time to maximize it.
What do I mean by maximizing your singleness?
In Emmerance’s words, maximizing your singleness means to use 100% of your time being busy building yourself up! When you maximize your singleness, it helps you find purpose in your relationships.
Some people take singleness lightly. They quickly want to escape this stage of their life and quickly get into a relationship, hopefully, marriage. However, maximizing, taking the time to enjoy the singleness is very important.
When you focus on maximizing your singleness, your attention should be on building yourself. There are many things you have to focus your attention on, and the main one is building a relationship with yourself.
Many people don’t know who they are. They keep wearing different masks around different people. When you’re in a relationship, you’re probably wearing a mask to be loved/liked by your partner.
The purpose of maximizing your singleness is so that you can stop faking it and be yourself around people you love. You take care of your spiritual health, get to know yourself, work on your skills and talent, and build a meaningful relationship.
Improve your spiritual health
When maximizing your singleness, it’s important to prioritize your spiritual health. You must focus on developing or improving your relationship with God.
Whether you’re a religious person or spiritual, you must find space for prayers and meditation daily. This should be the first thing to do when you’re single (even when you’re in a relationship, but it’s as essential to do when you’re single).
There are different ways to increase your spiritual health. You can meditate, write down your prayers, pray or read your Bible. There are also groups that you can join and bond with people that want to grow their spiritual health.
On my spiritual journey, it’s been two years now, I was able to explore many different methods. I have tried prayers, meditation, reading the Bible, affirmations, and being consistently grateful by having a gratitude journal.
I was also part of a 21 days abundance group with strangers on WhatsApp during the quarantine. You had to meditate every day for 21 days, and you have one assignment to do during the process. It was an excellent experience for me. I discovered a spiritual side of myself that I didn’t know about.
Please do your own research, explore the best way that you can stay consistent and grow spiritually. Then implement what you learn, stay consistent in that and keep your faith high.
Improve the relationship that you have with yourself
As I explained in “Choosing yourself” blog post, some people don’t know how to handle their emotional self. When you take advantage of your singleness, you get to know yourself on a deeper level.
Maximizing your singleness is all about getting to know yourself better. It’s an opportunity that you have to give yourself your own time. The time you will set aside is to analyze your emotions, past relationships, and the things that are holding you back.
Take a day and spend it with yourself only. Get to know yourself more. This might be difficult if you’re extroverted. However, understand that this will reduce the chances of being in a relationship because you just want someone by your side.
Doing this will be beneficial because you will stop wasting your time with other people that don’t know your value. You will face the world on your own or with other people with purpose and not just because you feel lonely.
When I’m single, I always find myself thinking about how I could improve myself every day. I’m not an emotional intelligence expert, but I try to analyze my past relationships or those I have now. When I take a moment to study them, I can find a pattern in my life, and then I ask myself how I can improve myself.
Questions to ask yourself when you’re improving your relationship with yourself:
It’s important to know if you’re ready to be in a relationship. Obviously, you’re not going to stay single forever, unless you’re aiming for that. If you’re planning on being in a romantic relationship, you must ask yourself if you can date yourself.
Can you spend the day by yourself and enjoy your own company? I know that this might be easy for introverts. However, it will be evident to you if you can’t date yourself.
When you spend the time to examine your past relationships and habits, you will figure it out. If you can date yourself, marry yourself, then you’re ready to be with someone else.
I also believe that even if you’re in a relationship, you should ask yourself if you can date yourself. Answering that question will help you become more aware of your own habits, and hopefully, you work on them if they’re bad ones.
Make sure that you do a self-evaluation. How were you when you were in that particular relationship? What did you learn from it? What are you ready to change, and how can you bring your best self in your next relationship. Don’t blame the other person, do a self-evaluation and think about things you could have done differently.
Get to know yourself on a deeper level.
When you answer the question, “can I date myself?” there are many questions that might come up in your mind. When you date other people, you figure out their story, what they like, who they want to be late etc.
Maximizing your singleness involves getting to know yourself on a deeper level. It’s wise to see what you like, who you are, your weaknesses and what inspires you. If you don’t know yourself, you should stick with being single until you figure it out.
What I realized in many relationships is that the partners become very much alike. It’s cute when the partners enjoy doing the same things and love the same activities. However, some people get lost in their relationships. What I mean by that is that you get blended in your partner’s habits and their way of life.
I can’t stress this enough! It’s important to know who you are. You can do this by taking some time off to get to know yourself better.
Know what your boundaries are, how you want to be loved and taken care of. You need to know yourself, things that you like and dislike. You need to know what you want, who you are, and discover your gift.
Maximizing your singleness also means analyzing the way you handle yourself. So, as soon as you know yourself. You should know who you’re striving to be and what inspires you. If this isn’t the case, you should focus on getting better.
Improve yourself, your skills, your lifestyle, and know your goals
As you figure out what you like, who you want to be and what motivates you. When you maximize your singleness, you also try to better yourself. Merge what you like and what motivates you with your skills.
To improve yourself, I figure that looking elsewhere for assistance is essential. You can get a mentor or coach. It’s also the place to seek therapy if you just think you have some baggage you must let go of.
Improving your lifestyle includes the way you take care of your overall health. How often do you drink, eat unhealthy food or workout?
Remember that your body is the only thing that will stick with you. So it’s important to take care of it. You’re fully responsible for your own health and of your own way of life.
To give a personal example, I found out what I love to do, I know my skills and try my best to cut off bad eating habits. I’m a little extreme sometimes like I avoid eating sugar and carbs as much as I can. I exercise 6 times a week with the help of Shaun T on Beachbodyondemand.com.
I read to better myself and write because I love writing my knowledge and thoughts. Since I’m not a student, I invest in improving my skills. I buy many books and online courses because studying never stops.
Get your finances in order.
In my opinion, the most important thing to do when your single is getting out of debt. You must find a way to be financially free and improve your financial literacy.
The reason why you should focus on improving your financial literacy is that when people are in a relationship, they tend to spend more and get into debt. Spending money on dates and gifts can be expensive in the long run. That’s why you must master your money, learn how to budget and get your financial goals aligned.
Maximizing your singleness also means maximizing your finances. Learn how to manage your money, learn how to budget, pay yourself first, teach yourself how to make money.
I recommend having a side hustle, not a second job. Having a second job might not help. When you have a side hustle, you will do things that you love the most. Then that might turn into a full-time income, then you might just quit that 9-5 job.
You can spoil yourself, however, know when you should limit your spending. Get out of debt when you’re single; this is the right way to maximize your singleness. Get the bad debts out and keep the good ones if that’s what you want.
Build meaningful relationships.
Human beings need to interact with other human beings to survive. Maximizing your singleness doesn’t mean that you stay single without talking to other people. It’s about being so comfortable with yourself that you don’t need people around all the time.
However, you should go out there, get to know other people, make friends or, if you’re lucky, find your soulmate. You spent time getting to know yourself, what you love and who you want to be. It’s important to know what type of people you want around you.
Find people that encourage you to be your better self. People that want what’s best for you and that support your decisions. People that want to see you win, I think you get the idea.
I highly recommend building meaningful relationships with other people. You don’t necessarily need a lot of friends, but having a strong network is essential.
One last thing, date as much as you can until you’re tired. When you date people, you will get an idea of what you need to improve yourself and what kind of partner you would like to have.
One final note on maximizing your singleness
I like the say, “I’m alone, but I’m not lonely.” I can’t remember who said it, but it resonated with me when I heard it. When you start to enjoy your own company, you won’t feel lonely. Being lonely brings a negative feeling to our lives, which is what we’re trying to prevent.
By enjoying your own company, you won’t feel lonely. You will feel like you’re in a wholesome relationship with yourself. When you find comfort in yourself, you will see how easy it is to find purpose in whatever you do.
Now that you know the areas in which you must improve, how will you improve yourself? Depending on your answer, you must find the best way to improve yourself. If you’re still in school, focus on your studies. If you’re working full time, try to invest in your education.
Try to invest in books or activities that will help you. When you maximize your singleness, you won’t get the feeling of loneliness. You will enjoy your own company. Maximize your spiritual health, the relationship you have with yourself, your finances and build meaningful relationships.
Check out The beauty of Self Love Series: